Hello, my name is Kylee Baker. If you're new here, welcome to my blog. Here on Trés Chic I often post pieces on fashion, beauty, and all that jazz. But today I'm going to be posting more of an intimate piece. Truth is Trés Chic isn't me. It is a part of me, but it simply is not me. I use Trés Chic as an existential character. Here online, I like to pretend that I have it together and such, when in reality I haven't got my shit together. In real life, I am without a doubt the most introverted person you'll ever meet. I often find myself isolated, isolated from people, isolated from school, isolated from the world in itself. It's not that I've chosen to be an introvert, I just am. Even since the age of four, I have always had trouble opening up to others and even striking a conversation. Now okay I am not the most introverted person. Although I do have some friends, I am not really sure where I can find them or if they even truly see me as a friend of their own. Although I have been an introvert my entire sixteen years of living, it has never gotten as bad as it has recently. Now I am not one to put myself out here in the public eye, but to tell you the truth, I haven't been doing so well and I was told to open up so I decided to be a bit brave and open up in this blog piece. This sophomore year of high school, I changed, and I changed drastically. When I say I changed drastically, I don't mean I became utterly rebellious or anything of that sort, but I began to look at the world and our society in itself in a different retrospect. Lately, everyone around me has changed. They either found a significant other and left me in the dust, just started ignoring me because I wasn't good enough to be seen with them, or only talked to me when it was in their benefit. I finally came to the realization, that I was more alone than ever. Because of this realization, I tried gaining friends by offering others to copy my homework, or constantly giving away my lunch money and saying "Don't worry, you don't have to pay me back"! And no matter how nice I tried being, nothing worked. As idiotic as this may sound, I was surprised. I was always under the misconception that the world was a safe place and that everyone was nice and that life was simply rainbows and sunshine and boy, was I wrong. Now it's not like I don't have acquaintances, I do, however, these so called acquaintances were doing their own things in their own life. As for my best friend, it's not like I can just stop by and say "hey!", due to the fact that she lives two hours away from me now. Obviously feeling alone, while simultaneously dealing with the stress of school, teenage angst, and the struggle of trying to fit in wasn't exactly the best combination for my mental health. Not only did this have a significant impact on my mental health but also on my physical health as well. I constantly slept for hours during the day, ate large amounts, and cried on a day-to-day basis. As bad as the physical impact this whole ordeal had on me, it wasn't nearly as bad as the impact this had on my mental health. As much as I tried to distract myself from the fact that I was miserable, nothing seemed to work. At this point, people around me started to ask if I was okay, people such as teachers, family members, and even strangers. Apparently, It was so obvious to the point where people stooped low enough to call me Hannah Baker or say "Please don't put me on your tape!". Originally, I didn't think anything of it since we seem to share the last name "Baker", but later a friend told me in private that they were making these so-called jokes because I appeared to be depressed, and well I would be lying if I said I wasn't. But more recently (last week), I have been feeling better and am now getting help. Now you may think that this whole blog post was for attention, or a cry for help, and it isn't. May is known as the month of mental health awareness and I know that there are probably thousands of people my age who are in the same position I am in. I wrote this for the outsiders, misfits like me, who feel as if they don't have a voice, or as if they feel as if they don't belong. I am here to tell anyone who is reading this, be kind, be nice, be loving. Radiate nothing but peace and love.
With lots of love,
Kylee
With lots of love,
Kylee